Who I Am...

Thank you all; everyone who has viewed my blog to date. I was surprised to see that anyone at all had stopped by to view since I had only begun to set it up. Sorry I had not written anything, but my major stumbling block was what to write? I know what I wanted to write. My pride and arrogance compels me to write about me; to impress you with my character and skills. I could come up with something that would help you to see how “cool” I am, because I own a nice motorcycle (perhaps a screen name like, let’s say… “jesusbikerfreak”). When you read my list of favorites, my knowledge and diversity in music might impress upon you that I am a man of fairly good musical taste or maybe you are more impressed with my taste in movies or books. I tried to pick ones that would be kind of thoughtful and Christian-like while, at the same time, including some that would show I am still really hip. I might even try to impress upon you that I am well read, although my stats are slightly exaggerated. Perhaps, I can convince you I am a “good Christian” guy who’s only real purpose for owning a motorcycle is to serve the Lord. Should I spend some time making a case for how great of a husband and devoted father I am, even though I am often more concerned about how my wife can serve me, and making sure my son doesn’t get in the way of my “me” time? Maybe you would be impressed with my knowledge of scripture, or my conviction to ministry and short term missions? I always have a list available upon request. If given a few moments of your time I could utilize my great head knowledge of the gospel to witness to you (even if you are already a Christian) so that I can “fix” you just as I have been “fixed”. Who knows, we might even say the sinners prayer together and I can put another notch in my spiritual belt. Oh yeah and my witness would be a long and windy performance of all the “me stuff” that has brought me into my current state of “Christian maturity”. I know you are excited to hear it because I have cleverly disguised it as “God Stuff”.

But alas you see through my smoke screen; my seemingly endless ranting of self glorification in an attempt to receive the attention and recognition I so desire. The glaring truth is at my core I am broken and depraved. As Paul said "There is no one righteous, not even one;”. Last time I checked, “not even one” includes me. So what is my hope? Pretty simply stated “Jesus”. Although the knowledge of Jesus is great, it is not the knowledge alone, but the person of Jesus that is my hope. I want…no…I need to know the person of Jesus. If not for Him I remain who I am; a hopelessly lost and depraved man. Jesus humbled Himself to be born in a feeding trough, live a life as a mere man, teach and fellowship with mere men, subject Himself to beatings, physical and mental anguish at the hands of mere men, and finally by the hands of mere men; indeed even by my own hands... Jesus freely accepted death. He did all this for me, and for you. Let me not kid myself, He would not have had to do any of it if I were able to “fix myself” or even able to be “fixed” at all. Haughty Christian, get over yourself. I was not chosen for my unique resume or my special skills. I was chosen by grace and equipped through God’s mercy. God does not NEED me, but all praise to our Lord Jesus Christ…he does LOVE me.

So now what? The bible says as a follower, God has commissioned me: “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit;”. How shall I go and do this? Should I do it simply because God told me to? After all He is God. Should I do it out of appreciation for what He has done for me? Does this appreciation for what God has done for me naturally flow from my heart and out of my love of Jesus? Will I hand out tracks? Shall I shout damnation to the masses? Maybe I could use that clever new sales-like pitch I learned? Should I just live a “good life” and hope others will somehow be magically attracted to me? Aren’t people always walking up to me and saying “hey your different, tell me about Jesus”? Maybe I will just continue building relationships?

I love the language in Genesis 32 where it says “Jacob Wrestles with God”. I am certain I do not want to actually physically wrestle with God, but I do often feel as though I am wrestling with God’s word; wrestling with my commission and purpose. Oh yeah, and wrestling with my own sin. Paul says in Romans 7:19 “For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.” I can totally relate. Lord, let me stop pretending to be someone we both know I am not and start being the someone you purposed me to be. While I am spending so much time trying to convince myself and others I am a good Christian or a cool guy, I waste precious time I could be spending loving others. Yet I know it is only through loving others, that I will ever even come close to loving You the way I should…no…the way You ought to be loved.

So my brothers and sisters, if you see me on the street, you now know who I really am. I am like you. Nothing I will do will change that. I am however, renewed and transformed by the man Jesus Christ and what he has done for me. When we meet, I pray the Holy Spirit would be among us and draw us near to Him. I pray that you would not see the man I am in my flesh, but the man Christ has made me through His blood. Then and only then will you see the person of Jesus Christ. Then and only then will we share the joy of His presence and of His amazing Love.