Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Lunch With God

Such a nice day, I decided to head to Oregon Ridge during my lunch break today. I got out of my car and it was still warm enough to leave my jacket in the trunk. Walking through the woods, the area looked much different than it had just a few weeks ago. Fallen leaves had covered the paths. Many of the trees were nearly bare allowing a better view of the woods. Reading some posted material regarding the reforesting effort, I happened to glance up the hill and noticed something I had not seen before.

The roof of a gazebo was barely visible high above the sparse patch of trees. The walk up to get a closer look was longer and steeper than I had anticipated, but I managed to get there without going into cardiac arrest. To my surprise the gazebo was actually new. I could tell by the condition of the pressure treated wood. As I sat in it on the nicely crafted bench, I admired the workmanship. It was probably not a cub scout project, perhaps an eagle scout, but most likely someone with a great deal of pride and experience. It was a well designed structure, tightly built, and even had some very nice accents along the supports and benches. I noticed it was mainly screwed together except for the floor where nails were used to secure all the floor boards with one exception. There was one screw in a floor board near the middle of the octagon. Curious? I am not even sure why or how I noticed it. I could not help but wonder if the builder had just ran out of nails, or if there was some other reason?

Anyway, back to my story. Sitting quietly, looking over the valley, I could see a line of older trees with many leaves still in place. The colors of the leaves were diverse and beautiful. It was warm, but there was a cool breeze coming gently from the direction in which I was gazing. Off in the distance I could see some houses; not condos or town houses, but mansions, or so it seemed. I could hear the traffic from Shawan Road, but from that distance it was only white noise. For a city boy who spent many nights falling asleep to that sound, it only added to the ambience.

In the midst of quiet and beauty, suddenly, there they were, my demons. Yes, I love the Lord and I am a devout follower of Jesus, but I still hear from my demons. They are there, partly because they are so persistent, but also , if I am honest, because I tend to invite them. Perhaps it is not an intentional invitation, but an invitation nonetheless. They know me well and I know them too. They are familiar, maybe even comfortable with the old man I was and maybe, just maybe there is a remnant of the old man who is still comfortable with them.

After a few moments of wrestling with my dark side and exercising my demons, I began to speak to God. I invited His presence and quieted my thoughts. Feeling the Holy Spirit wash over me through the coolness of the breeze in my face, I listened intently. I asked God to expel these demons; to not only forgive me for entertaining them, but to redeem me. Redemption was my prayer, but still, I was not sure exactly what redemption would mean or even look like. I assured God I was paying attention and I asked Him for a sign. Not a general sign, mind you, but a specific sign. I asked (as silly as it may sound) that I would see a deer in that woods as I sat there silently. This would be the confirmation, not only of God’s presence there in that gazebo, but also confirmation He had heard my prayer.

Of course, Oregon Ridge has a very large deer population, so seeing a deer would not seem so unusual. It certainly would not be considered a supernatural occurrence. Should I be foolish enough to make such a request, and expect, if I see a deer, it was God confirming He had heard my prayer? Even so, I have walked those woods many times over the past eight or ten years and never once have I seen a deer. The moment I was having with God was so awesome, I expected to look out from my seat in that gazebo and at any moment, see a deer. But it was not to be. I had a great view all around and I could hear for miles. There was the hawk flying silently overhead. I could hear a squirrel in a tree directly behind me. The leaves rustled with the breeze and perhaps there were some chipmunks scurrying around, but no deer. I sat and prayed and listened and enjoyed, but finally it was time to go. I decided my request was silly and I knew God did not have to do anything to confirm His presence. What was I thinking?

Despite not having seen any deer, I was very grateful for the time I had alone with God; satisfied with the beauty all around me and joyful to be blessed with a moment to recognize and appreciate it. I walked along the path back toward where I had parked. Gazing the path before me I thanked God for the moment, smiled as I reflected on my experience, and looked up to see a small doe frozen in the brush just beside my path. I could have literally reached out and touched her. “Praise God and Halleluiah” I whispered under my breath. We stood motionless, staring at one another intently. After a few seconds, she dipped her head to see if she could initiate any movement from me. I took a single step and she turned in a defensive posture, but to my surprise, did not run away; not even a flag. She just stood there peacefully, watching me over her shoulder as I continued down the path and disappeared from her sight.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Too Much Joy?

Is there a new trend in the realm of hip Christianity? It seems the idea of “going deep” and “seeking adversity and suffering” has become sort of the “in thing” in many Christian communities. Not to make light of these strategies, their benefits, or to discount their legitimacy, but seeking pain is not really my strong point. I often wonder if it is anyone’s. Granted, in the past many of us were inundated with the “prosperity gospel”; just accept Jesus and your life will be great; bad things only happen to you when you lack faith; and so on. This surely has not lined up with my life experience, but now it seems, we might be doing a one eighty. Perhaps this doctrine of pain and suffering could be tagged the “grieving gospel” or the “suffering gospel”? Although, for me, grieving and suffering are not usually synonymous with “good news”. Retreats of joyful meditation, fun, and fellowship are being transformed into weekend stays filled with discomfort, accountability, and intensely heart aching inner reflection. Perspective attendees brag these retreats are not be “fun”, relishing in the prospect of having a spiritually painful experience. Don’t get me wrong, I get it. It is not the philosophy I question so much as the motive. We grow through suffering and self awareness. I only wonder do we really want to? Though they often suffered and certainly did not walk around in the constant midst of rainbows and butterflies, the disciples did not go off on retreats to intentionally seek their own suffering. Did Jesus not say in Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."? Do we really need to seek suffering? Yes, Jesus knew he was going to suffer on the cross, willingly accepted it, and He looked forward to what was at the end of the suffering, but it seems pretty apparent the actual suffering part was not as appealing to Him. In fact the Lord’s prayer completely omits the word “suffering” or any notion of praying to suffer. Bottom line, I want my retreats to be fun. To be perfectly honest, I have no desire to “feel the pain”. Sure, it helps me grow. Some of my most profitable spiritual growth is the result of suffering. Even so, I shy from suffering and I surely do not pray to suffer. The desire to suffer is not in any fabric of my being. Honestly, though I recognize the benefits, my most sincere gratitude and praise are raised up to God when suffering is not an everyday part of my life. Perhaps I should want to grow and I will certainly accept any suffering that brings me closer to God, but again, if I am just being honest, what I “want” lines up better with the “prosperity gospel”.